Fullmetal Alchemist drabbles

Author: Koe
Genre: Fanfiction drabbles: 100 words each.
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist.
Characters, tags, warnings & spoilers: See each drabble.

The collection (last added Oct. 4th 2013):
The Demon Barber of East City
New Sensations
New Sensations Part Two
Slippery When Wet
Sex On Wheels
Serve And Protect

Authors note: This post used to contain my whole multifandom collection of drabbles, but it got too large to be manageable, so I split it it up. You can still view the whole collection with the drabbles-tag.

Title: The Demon Barber of East City
Characters: Roy Mustang: the Flame Alchemist, and customer.
Tags: Crack, gen, AU.

“Are you easily scared, Sir?”

“No, I usually fall asleep in the chair. Or do you plan to sing for me, Mr. Mustang?” The customer grins jovially and looks around for a chair. In vain. He turns to Roy again: a little puzzled.

“No, I have a different speciality. Just stand very still, Sir. And keep your chin up, please.”

Whoosh! Crackle!

The offensive smell of burned hair is quickly drafted away through the powerful venting system.

“That tickled!”

“Here’s your towel. All gone now, Sir.”

“I’ve never… Wow!”

“You’re most welcome. I can do your intimate areas too, Sir.”

Title: New Sensations
Characters: Edward and Alphonse Elric.
Tags: Gen, crack, crudeness, bad language.
Authors note: Inspired by Fat Freddy’s Cat.

“Al, what’s that smell?”

“You know very well…”

“Gah. Sorry. But there’s something smelling in here. Real nasty too.”



“What?” Huge veteran body armor fidgeting. It’s not a pretty sight.

“Open up your chest plate, Al.”


“Just open it, dammit!”

Ed lifts a wet looking kitten out by her neck and peers into Al’s chest. He bends back out, clasps his hands and leans forward again. A blue light shines through the cracks in Al’s “body”.

“I knew it! Skidmarks!”

“That’s not possible.”

“The kitten – it has …” Ed’s heaving for air. “… taken a dump in your armor.”

Title: New Sensations Part Two
Characters: Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, Black Hayate and friends.
Tags: Gen, crack.
Authors note: Inspired by dust bunnies.

The guilty look on Al’s immovable face reveals what he’s got hidden behind his back.

Don’t even consider it! Remember last time.”

Ed can see him squirm as they walk on, but can’t be bothered. Let him stew.

They arrive at HQ.

“Hello everyone!”

“Hi boss! Hi Al!”

“Get down, Black Hayate. I’m happy to see you too.” Al is dancing a funny dance already, and the dog’s keen interest doesn’t help. “Stop…”

His gravity-defying pirouette is impressive and makes his head fly off with force. Out hops a mouse with kitten in hot pursuit. Dog joins in. Chaos ensues.

Title: Fatigue
Characters: Winry Rockbell, Edward Elric/?
Tags: Adult concepts, slash implied. Crackfic.

“This is not supposed to happen.”

“Um. No.”

Winry yanks hard before she continues her tinkering.

“Tell him to take better care with this new one.”

Ed stares at the floor boards. “It’s never been a problem before. We just…”

“I don’t want to know what you did to get into this state. I just know that you have done a lot of it. This is from material fatigue.” Winry grimaces and whacks at a stubborn nut with her wrench.

Aw! I said I’m sorry!”

“It’s easier to fix than the fractures you used to get in your wrist, anyway.”

Title: Slippery When Wet
Characters: Edward Elric and Roy Mustang.
Tags: Crack, language, implied slash.

“EEED? Have you seen my…”

No answer.

Roy searches high and low, but still can’t find what he’s looking for. He continues around the house before he peers into the bathroom. The sound of running water and out-of-tune falsetto reveals Ed’s location.



“Have you seen my…” Roy pauses. He takes a deep breath and yells: “What the HELL are you doing with my ignition gloves in the SHOWER?!!!”

“Um. The scar tissue around my automail is itchy. Your gloves scratch just right.” Ed’s sheepish grin fails totally in disarming Roy, but the wet gloves manage. Barely.

Title: Sex On Wheels
Characters: Jean Havoc/?
Tags: SPOILER, AU, adult concepts, kink, crack and fluff.
Authors note: Written for April 30. 2010: Sexy Outfit Havoc Day.

“Surprise for you!” Havoc says, with a marked red tint around his cheekbones. He still pauses for a moment, before he removes the blanket and reveals what’s under: long legs in high heels and black silk stockings, complete with flower-studded garters.

“Ever since you showed me that clip from Rocky Horror Picture Show with Dr. Scott at the floor show, I’ve wanted to give you something extra.”

“I didn’t mean it that way, you know.”

“Oh. Ow. I’m… really sorry.”

“Perhaps I meant it a little bit that way. It’s actually pretty striking. Roll over here, you sexy man!”

Title: Serve And Protect
Characters: Roy Mustang, Edward Elric
Tags: Gen, Humor, Weapons of Mass Destruction, Bad Eating Habits, Crack.
Summary: “But it’s MFC, Colonel!”
Authors note: This drabble was posted October 4th 2013 in celebration of the 10 year anniversary of the Fullmetal Alchemist anime, as the first episode premiered on Japanese television October 4th 2003. It was also kindly betaed by sexkitten426. Yay for her!

Colonel Roy Mustang harbors a deep, hidden fright: he is scared of birds…so scared, in fact, that he reacts instinctively towards any kind of feathered threat from above.

This is why he now stands, appalled, frowning at Fullmetal.

Amidst bites, Fullmetal Edward Elric looks up and sees his scowl.

What, Colonel?” The words are spit out in a spray of crumbs; his mouth overfull, juices dripping down his chin.

“You don’t know where that ghastly creature has been!”

“But it’s MFC, Colonel, best there is!”


“Mustang Fried Chicken! Can’t let good food go to waste now, can we?”